Thursday, October 13, 2005

Living Doll IIA

Echidne has written a post about the sex dolls written up in Salon this past week. I wrote about this a bit, and it's a very instructive exercise to compare my post to hers.

In my post, I really gave little thought to the deeper implications of these dolls beyond, hey, whatever floats your boat. I found the article interesting simply on the level of novelty and maybe as a statement of superficiality in our culture (dolls come in both sexes). Echidne gives quite an extended thoughtful impression from a female viewpoint after admitting some initial thought disarray. And her points are quite relevent and well taken. I experienced no disarray in my thoughts over the article, particularly while I was laughing at the poor schmuck having a picnic with his doll.

These two posts may, in a nutshell, show the very core of the differences between men and women when it comes to sex. It was certainly my clinical experience that men approached sex from a much more instrumental point of view. Specifically for men, sex is an instrument to feel good and to confirm that they are loved. Women, on the other hand, seemed to approach sex as an oh-by-the-way experience in the WHOLE relationship. Thus the old saying...men have sex to feel loved, women need to feel loved to have sex.

In a way, I don't think I gave the issue enough consideration. And in another way, I think echidne may be reading too much into the meaning of the dolls. This difference is exactly why couples need so much effective communication when it comes to negotiating their mutual needs...including sex. We just don't think the same.

I suppose these distinctions have existed forever and have an important biological basis. But I thought it kind interesting how two bloggers, one male and one female, manifested our gender differences in the treatment of this topic.

4 Comments:

At 3:02 PM, Blogger Lynne said...

That whole discussion is pretty interesting. I can see both sides but because of my gender, lean toward the woman's viewpoint.
One of the things I learned in working for a police department for 15 years (as a photo tech) is that women are vulnerable to rape from birth to death. I processed photos of victims ages 6 months to 92 years of age. Some women are more acutely aware of this vulnerability and it colors their perceptions.
Having said that, I can also see the doll as a simple tool. Pathetic, but a tool.

 
At 3:51 PM, Blogger Greyhair said...

I agree Lynne.

And the substance of my comments here and on her blog assume behavior that stays within the law.

Obviously, anything outside the law is a slam-dunk violation, for either sex. Perhaps men can't understand the fear associated with rape. All the more reason for higher respect levels by everyone for women.

Ironically, I'm on the "side" of women. I would really really like it if women would strongly assert themselves outside their sexuality, rather than using sexuality as a tool. It would make it more necessary for men to take women seriously as PEOPLE, not simply as sex objects. But honestly, aren't women their own worst enemies in this way?

As far as the dolls. I still think it's hilarious that some guys take them out on picnics.......

:)

 
At 5:05 AM, Blogger Lynne said...

"I would really really like it if women would strongly assert themselves outside their sexuality, rather than using sexuality as a tool. It would make it more necessary for men to take women seriously as PEOPLE, not simply as sex objects. But honestly, aren't women their own worst enemies in this way?"

Absolutely. Using looks/sex as a means to get by in this world is the lazy and short-sighted way to live. What do they rely on when their looks fade? Those of us who were not "the beautiful people" had to learn to develop personalities and intellect. We are truly the lucky ones.

 
At 8:06 AM, Blogger Greyhair said...

Very well said indeed.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home

Free Counters
Site Counter
eXTReMe Tracker